


Do I Wanna Know?

by KennysMagicDog



Category: South Park
Genre: ;), Aged-Up Character(s), Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Fluff and Smut, M/M, No Angst, because im bad at that, have fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-01-05 03:22:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 13,845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18357581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KennysMagicDog/pseuds/KennysMagicDog
Summary: I got high and listened to a song by Arctic Monkeys. That's never a good mix.BUT THERE'S MORE TO COMEChange of plans: Vonna have to update every week. 2 days isn't enough, who woulda thought?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I was so fucking doped out when i wrote this. i took a nap after and just woke up to this blaring on my computer, it was actually really funny.

_**Kyle's** _ **POV**

I woke up at 1 o’clock in the morning, to an obnoxious clatter on my window. I reluctantly got up from bed to find the noise, only growing more irritated once I saw his face.

\------------

“Kyle! Kyle let me in already, you fucking Jew!” His muffled voice squealed behind the window. Following shortly after, Kyle unlocked the window, automatically walking away once the bigger boy pushed his way through. He ended up falling face first onto the ground, with a slight ‘oof’.

 

“What the hell do you want?” the redhead questioned half-heartedly, running his hands through his messy, red curls.

 

Cartman put his hand over his chest, faking a gasp. “Well, hello to you too. Asshole.”

 

“Spit it out before I kick your fatass out.” Kyle spat viciously with a scowl.

 

“Alright, alright! God, you already have your Jew-Panties in a twist.” He mumbled through the last part. “I just wanted to hang out with my favorite ginger..what is that illegal now?” The brunette tested sarcastically.

 

Kyle eyed him suspiciously, looking over his chubby face. The redhead had somehow grown a strange weakness to those shiny copper eyes that were always filled to the brim with emotion. The boy’s chestnut hair had complimented said eyes, the long soft bangs always swaying just over his brows in a way, that Kyle wouldn’t admit to aloud, that had made him look mildly attractive. Although, that doesn’t mean he’s any more tolerable as a person. The only thing that changed about him since the fourth grade was his obnoxious bets, that just got more obnoxious.

 

“I don’t believe you.” Kyle had finally said.

 

“Hmm, well then I guess I can just give the rest of this Sunset Rum to Kenny’s poor ass.” Cartman gestured to the half empty bottle of alcohol in his left hand, giving Kyle a sly smirk.

 

Kyle still felt suspicion lurking. “Knowing you, you probably drugged that. How many roofies did you manage to slip in there?”

 

“HEY! I would  _never_ ruin perfectly good rum!” Cartman shouted, voice slightly cracking, which had made Kyle snicker. Cartman just furrowed his brows in response.

 

Cartman was deep in thought for a moment, taking in the cute little snicker that he _didn't_ despise. Whenever he heard it, he would feel a slight warmth in his chest, which he at first thought was hatred, but grew to find out it was anything but.

 

Kyle had finally spoken, “If you really want to stay, you can. This is probably the only week in existence that my parents won’t be home for. But I’m not drinking any of that.” he ended, albeit too sweetly for his taste. Cartman had lit up right away, replying with “Fine, but we’re watching a movie that _I_ want to watch since you won’t take up my kind offer.” 

 

“Fine with me. Just don’t turn on another Twilight movie.” Kyle groaned.

 

Cartman grumbled a small ‘aww’ in response. He had reached the door, and followed Kyle out to the living room. “Don’t you have any Jew candles to light up the goddamn house? I feel like we’re playing Candyman.”

 

“Candyman?” Kyle acknowledged, confused. 

 

“Yeah, you know, the game where you summon the black guy in your closet, then he eats you.” The other boy answered, nonchalantly.

 

Kyle had never been more confused and curious at the same time. Then it clicked. “Are you drunk?”

 

“...no..” Cartman lied.

 

“Great, I let a drunk fat kid into my house. What could be worse?”

 

“AY!”

\---------

Kyle decided that it wouldn’t be a bad idea to take a sip off the rum, since Cartman was still trying to gulp it down. Unless the fatass had some kind of immunity to drugs, he wasn’t very worried.

 

Cartman was sat on the couch with Kyle sitting on the ground in front of him, watching some cheesy chick-flick that the fat boy had picked out. The two were taking drinks off the alcohol, and Kyle slowly started to loosen up, even laughing at the terrible jokes in the movie. Cartman had enough of the whiskey, letting Kyle chug down the rest in the span of 2 minutes.

 

About an hour through the movie, Cartman started whispering random shit into Kyle’s ear, making the ginger laugh, giddily. With each laugh, the larger boy whispered more silly things into his ear.

 

One in particular seemed to catch Kyle’s attention, “Have you ever thought of calling me when you were drunk?” Cartman asked, with a low growl. The redhead didn’t laugh, but he felt a rush of heat flow through his body. He was too buzzed to recognize it, however.

 

During the midst of their fun, Cartman started playing with Kyle’s hair. He had never personally felt the red curls, but he’s glad he finally did. They were surprisingly soft and silky. He ran his hands through them, having a little too much fun playing with the other boy’s hair. Kyle didn’t mind, in his drunken stupor he actually started butting his head into Cartman’s hands, enjoying the massage. No one really got to touch his hair, so it felt way nicer than it should have. 

 

Cartman put his face into the redheads hair, slowly moving his hands down the boy’s neck. “Your hair smells nice.” He muffled through the scarlet curls.

 

“You’re weird.” Kyle jabbed, playfully.

 

Cartman kept moving his hands further down, rubbing Kyle’s arms. He lifted his head up only to set it down on his friend’s shoulder, whispering more random things into his neck. His hands ended up around the shorter boy’s stomach, playing with his T-shirt. Kyle started laughing again, feeling ticklish. Cartman just burrowed his face further into Kyle’s neck, smirking.

 

He slipped his hands under the redhead’s shirt, running his hands up and down his torso. A little while after, he quickly grabbed Kyle and pulled him up onto his lap, just making the ginger laugh again. That laugh was gonna be the death of Eric.

 

“What are you doing?” Kyle said through a few chuckles.

 

“Nothing...” He replied, with a shit eating grin.

 

The brunette then tackled Kyle onto the couch, pinning him and started tickling his sides.

 

“Stop you fucker!” Kyle yelled, still giggling like an idiot, while trying to slap the fat boy’s arms away.

 

“Oh, so I’m a fucker, huh? Some grateful Jew you are. All I’m trying to do is make you smile.” Fatass joked, slurring some of the words. He stopped tickling Kyle for a moment, his face only inches from the ginger’s. Copper and aqua eyes locked in on eachother, the owner of the aqua’s was still beaming with drunken joy. Cartman couldn’t look away, mesmerized by those sea green rings. The more he stared, he started to notice faint freckles sprinkled under the boy’s eyes. He found himself gazing at pink lips, still quirked in a smile, before he could think another thought, Kyle had wrapped his arms around Cartman’s neck, pulling him in.

 

Cartman was surprised, but went with it regardless, leaning into the sloppy kiss. He felt Kyle’s hands run through his hair, making him only lean into it more before breaking apart for air. They locked eyes again, noticing the mist clouding through. 

 

The redhead released the chestnut locks, clinging to Eric’s maroon jacket. Eric started slowing grinding against the other boy, not caring about any consequences that could come out of this. He had a chance that he wasn’t gonna let up. Plus, they were both too drunk to really know what they were doing.

 

As Eric kept grinding, he grabbed at Kyle’s waist, hearing light groans from the boy. Each groan was like music to his ears.

 

Kyle gripped Cartman’s shoulders, panting with each small thrust. He spread his legs further apart, giving the bigger boy more room, and started grinding against him as well.

 

The fabric that was between the two didn't bother Cartman all too much, he was in pure ecstasy already, the alcohol mostly playing into the factor. He started thrusting harder against Kyle, earning louder moans from the redhead. This made Kyle wrap his arms around the boy, pulling himself closer leaning his head on Eric’s shoulder. As Cartman thrusted harder, Kyle started getting louder, panting more than before. He found his hands grabbing the brown hair again, pulling it harder than before. 

 

Eric groaned, mumbling in a low voice, “I’d love to hear what else that voice could do..” with that his thrusting came to a stop. Kyle pulled back as the brunette started fumbling with both of their clothes, once he was done he started sucking on his index finger then switched to stretching Kyle’s entrance, hearing grunts of discomfort. He put another finger in after another, soon finding the redhead in a moaning mess. The shorter boy arched his back, letting more sweet sounds escape his mouth. If he hadn’t been so drunk, he would have slapped himself silly ten times over.

 

Once Eric was done, he positioned himself in front of the hole, and slowly slid in. Kyle threw his head back with a scream, small tears running down his cheeks. He was already pushing up against Eric, wanting more. The larger boy happily obliged, with a hard thrust, receiving another scream. He hadn’t expected the redhead to act so slutty, it was really out of character. He had only the rum to blame for that, not that he was complaining. 

 

Kyle grabbed at the boy’s hair again, almost ripping it out of Cartman’s head. Eric started going faster, only making Kyle’s moans louder. The ginger kept grinding on Eric’s hips, and like that they were both breathless, soaking in every inch of pleasure.

 

Cartman managed to hit something, resulting in Kyle screaming his name for everyone on the street to hear. Listening to his name get called out like that hit him like a truck with arousal. 

“Say my name again,” Cartman demanded, “I want everyone in town to hear you.” Kyle let out shaky breaths, until Cartman hit the spot again, and the redhead found his nails digging into Eric’s shoulders. 

 

“Fuck...Eric..” That one had only been for the brunette, and Cartman was perfectly okay with that. The larger boy started kissing Kyle’s neck, digging his teeth into a certain spot, tasting a little blood. The ginger didn’t mind, grasping the boy’s hair, and squirming a little. 

 

Eric let one more thrust get in, and he came, though Kyle wasn’t quite done. He pulled out, taking in the image of the defiled boy beneath him. His neck was badly bruised, and his hair was a rats nest. Kyle's whines snapped Cartman out of his thoughts.

 

“You want me to help you?” Eric asked, seeing if Kyle would actually beg. “Yes!” The boy snapped, possibly sobering up just a tad.

 

Eric moved down Kyle’s body, stopping in front of his dick. “I want to hear you beg first.” He stated. 

 

“Ugh! Please?” He asked, becoming more impatient.

 

“Hmm, what was that? I couldn’t hear you.” He tested further.

 

“Oh my god, please?” He asked louder, turning into more of a whine.

 

Eric wrapped his fingers around Kyle’s length, “Well, if you insist.”

 

Cartman then put his mouth over the tip, slowly lowering it down. He moved his hands to grab Kyle’s legs and throw them over his shoulders. The ginger’s hands held onto his hair, pulling his head down further. Cartman began to go faster, and finally got Kyle to come. He went up to kiss the redhead, and spit the liquid into his mouth.

 

“Awe, sick!” he exclaimed, quickly spitting it out. “You’re a fucking dick.”

 

“Aww, don’t say that. I thought it tasted good.” Eric smirked with a wiggle of his brows. 

 

Kyle got up quickly and had his clothes back on in the blink of an eye. After, he went to wash out his mouth in the kitchen. Cartman took that as a victory.

 

\---------

Eric woke up at about 6, spooning his so-called frenemy. He remembered barely anything from last night, and was slightly terrified that something had happened between them.

 

Kyle woke up, squirming a little. Cartman took this as his que to let go of the short boy so he could sit up.

 

“My ass fucking hurts.”

 

Cartman couldn’t help it and started laughing his ass off at the comment. “Good morning to you too.”

 

“What the hell happened last night?” Kyle groaned.

 

Cartman sat up and rubbed his eyes, “How should I know? I was just as drunk as you.” 

 

Kyle’s face went pale and he froze with his hand in his hair. “...did we?” Cartman knew exactly what he was referring to and shrugged, just as lost as the ginger.

 

“Maybe you just fell down the stairs and got something stuck up your ass.” Cartman giggled. Kyle punched him in the arm, making him whine. 

“You really don’t remember anything?” the redhead interrogated. 

 

“No! Wait let me think for a second..” Cartman paused. Then he wore the most obnoxious grin to exist. Kyle facepalmed.

 

“Go look in the mirror.” He suggested.

 

Kyle ran to the bathroom, only to find dark hickeys running down his neck. “CARTMAN!”

 

Eric just sat back and laughed at Kyle’s expense. Once his redheaded friend walked back out, he glared at the fatass. 

 

“You know, come to think of it, I remember _someone_

screaming like a horny schoolgirl. But that could have been anyone.” Cartman beamed.

 

“I hope you get hit by a truck.”

  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Joystick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Woah a new chapter? ? ? i deleted the update i made because it was kinda useless but basically if you didnt see it im continuing this shite but the new chapters will be more organized but still funny and stupid yada yada and im winging it from here so if it turns out to be a cliche boring story i'll make sure cartman makes fun of it along the way. thats all folks

“Are you actually being serious?” Kyle asked with a frown as he rubbed over the dark purple marks on his neck. He flopped down on the couch with a small squeak of pain and jumped a little. “God dammit!”

 Cartman laughed loudly, and his eyes brightened. He then choked out a response between laughs. “This is like that one time where you got a hem-” Kyle cut him off, slapping his hand over the boy’s mouth roughly. “Shut the hell up! You’re fucking ridiculous.” He groaned.

 Cartman calmed down a little and slapped Kyle’s hand away. “Look, I only remember a tiny bit of it!” He argued. Kyle huffed and rolled his eyes. He gestured with his hands for Cartman to continue.

 “Okay, so you were, like, on the couch and I think you were screaming ‘Oh yeah, Eric! You’re so kewl and sexy’-AY!” Kyle punched him hard in the arm and yelled. “No matter how drunk I am, I know I’d never even come close to saying that about your fatass. Can’t you be serious for one fucking minute?” He then felt a strong headache forming in the front of his head, so he leaned over and put his hand over his head, groaning in pain.

 “Well, don’t get mad at _me_ just because you’re a little whore! Even if you didn’t say any of that, I still remember you moaning like a chick.” Cartman pouted and crossed his arms childishly. Kyle turned his head to the side and glared at the boy with dark eyes. “What are we supposed to do, then? If anyone finds out we’ll be tortured relentlessly at school. God knows what my mom would do..” He was more frightened about what his mom would do, she might just give him the electric chair. That would be the least painful out of anything else she could do.

 “Why would I be tortured at school? You’re the one who let another guy plow him.” Cartman asked rhetorically. Kyle cursed under his breath tiredly. “You do realize people would be more than happy to make fun of you for anything you do, right? If you weren’t such an asshole then you’d be off the hook-Look! Let’s just not fucking tell anyone, okay? Is that so hard to do?” He yelled, worsening his migraine. Cartman’s eyes softened, and he was deep in thought for a moment. “Can we do it again?” He asked impulsively, although slightly regretted it not a second later.

 “NO!” Kyle exclaimed. “That’d just make it worse! And why do you want to do it again? Don’t you hate me?”

 “Just because I hate your guts doesn’t mean I didn’t like it. Same goes for you since you were all over me last night! Plus, it won’t change anything. See? We’re still fighting just like any other day. It’s not awkward or anything. The only difference would be occasionally banging our anger out on each other like in the movies. ” He reasoned. Kyle was about to retort but nothing really came to mind. He sighed deeply. “What if we got caught?”

 Cartman smirked proudly. “Kahl, the people in this town are too dumb to catch us. Remember when Kenny and Red were sneaking around and fucking? They did it for 8 months before finally getting caught when they openly banged on the couch at Token’s party. Kevin was so pissed!” He said giddily with excited hand movements. This made Kyle crack a small smile and lighten up a little. He watched as Cartman beamed brightly at him, but he still had some concerns. “Fine. But how am I supposed to go to school if my ass hurts like hell?”

 “Gotcha covered. One time I took a shit out of my mouth, but it hurt my throat really bad so the doctor gave me this stuff that you put on your ass after doing anal. It didn’t help at all, by the way.” He explained happily. Kyle’s face contorted into confusion, but he quickly wiped it away once he remembered who he was talking to. He held back a small chuckle and covered his mouth with his fist. “Okay...but we need to make rules,” Kyle started, and Cartman soon interrupted. “Fine, list off your gay little rules, firecrotch.”

 “Number one, don’t fucking call me that. Two, don’t tell anyone. Three, no falling gay for each other.”  

 “Like in the movies.” Cartman added, unhelpfully. Kyle sighed and added in, “Like in the movies.”

 _______________

It was monday, and they were walking to the bus stop together slowly sinking into the deep snow with each step. Kenny was standing on the far left, with Stan on the right doing whatever he was doing with his phone. Cartman quickly greeted the dark haired teen, standing next to him with Kyle to his right. “How’s it goin’ hippie? Did your girlfriend break up with you again?”

 Stan looked up from his phone, staring Cartman in the eyes with a scowl. They stood at about the same height, so neither had to hurt their necks looking down like they had to do with Kyle. Stan retorted right away. “No. Why? Are you jealous that you don’t have one?”

 Cartman smirked in response with a mysterious glint in his eyes. Stan noticed this instantly, and so did Kenny. The blond whistled lowly, and stepped in. “Who’s the unlucky lady, fatboy?” He asked curiously. The question had caught Kyle’s attention and he had peeked around Cartman’s body to study the situation.

 “Screw you, asshole! And I don’t need a _lady_ to drool over when I have myself.” Cartman boasted proudly and puffed out his chest. The way he said ‘lady’ made Kyle snicker just a little.

 _______________ 

“Psst! Kahl!” Cartman whispered from behind. Kyle ignored him, focusing his attention on the teacher. “Kahl! Kahl!” Kyle felt a piece of paper hit the back of his neck, and he turned around angrily to face the boy. “What?” He whispered with frustration. Cartman gestured with his eyes to a small note that he slipped under Kyle’s desk. He bent over to pick it up and unfolded it, reading it to himself. It read ‘wanna bang in the bathroom?’ in sloppy handwriting. Kyle darted his eyes to the clock that hung just over the whiteboard, seeing that second period was almost over. Kyle wrote on the back of it and threw it back to Cartman.

 He swiftly unwrapped the paper that had been crushed into a ball and read the writing on the back that was neatly written in cursive. Cartman always wondered how Kyle was able to write so nicely. When they were ten he had better handwriting than the teachers at school. The note read out ‘After class. Stop bugging me.’ and Cartman celebrated a silent victory to himself.

 The bell rang loudly a few minutes later and everyone gathered up their things to leave class. Cartman and Kyle were the first two to exit, and went straight to one of the single person bathrooms across campus before anyone could see. They rushed in, and locked the door without a word.

 “Do you think anyone saw us?” Kyle asked worriedly. Cartman shrugged it off with a simple ‘no’ and pinned the boy up against the locked door. “We only have ten minutes so..favour for a favour?” Cartman asked in a way too serious tone. Kyle nodded and let Cartman slowly get down on his knees.

 He tugged on Kyle’s zipper, pulling it all the way down. His hands then pulled down the boy’s boxers. He wrapped his fingers around the base, and lapped at the tip a few times before putting it fully into his mouth. Kyle let out a few shaky breaths then grabbed at Cartman’s thick brown hair, pulling on it lightly. Cartman took his hands away to rub up and down Kyle’s thighs. He hummed a few notes, sending out vibrations through the process. This caused the boy to let out a high pitched moan which he cut off halfway by closing his mouth tightly shut. Cartman was disappointed that he couldn’t hear those sweet sounds anymore, so he tried harder to make him crack by moving faster.

 Kyle felt Cartman smirk as he put the whole length into his mouth. His tongue swirled around as he did so, reducing the boy to a whimpering mess. He opened his mouth and let out those moans that Cartman just  _adored._ He threw his head back against the door, ignoring the pain it caused and the loud bang it made. He felt a small laugh escape Cartman’s mouth, and he finally came. Cartman took his mouth off with a quiet ‘pop’ and swallowed the liquid with ease. He looked up at Kyle with a grin. “Your turn, Jewboy.”

 “Yeah, yeah, you impatient fuck.” Kyle spat. He then got down on his knees to face the boy who was still grinning like an idiot. He bent down further and placed his hand down on the bulge and palmed it softly. He heard the boy on the receiving end groan, and felt him take the green hat off of his head with a quick grab. He scoffed, but got back to what he was doing. He pulled off the layers of clothes, eyeing the length for a moment before looking up at Cartman for reassurance. The boy nodded, and Kyle wrapped his lips around the tip, he really didn’t know what he was doing so he had to just wing it from here.

 He licked over the top in his mouth and slowly made his way down to the base. Cartman tangled his fingers up in the ginger hair and moaned out a quiet curse. “Fuck, I love your mouth..”

 Kyle bobbed his head up and down while his hands roamed Cartman’s inner thighs. He gagged a few times, but it didn’t bother Cartman so he decided not to think about it. He felt his head being pushed down by his hair, and he huffed a little but let him continue. Soon he felt a hot and kind of sour liquid fill his mouth. He pulled his mouth away, and swallowed quickly. He wiped his mouth off with the back of his hand and watched as Cartman started to clean up.

 

“We only have a minute left Kahl! Hurry up!” Cartman whined. Kyle rolled his eyes. He looked over at his hat that was thrown off to the side, and picked it up carefully. “Thanks for throwing my hat on the nasty ground, you douche.” He spat sarcastically. Cartman stuck his tongue out and made a taunting noise while shoving his hands into his pockets.

 Kyle put it into the front pouch of his backpack, not even thinking twice about whether he should wear it or not. Once they both were cleaned up they exited the bathroom and went in opposite directions before hearing the loud bell ring.

 _______________

 “HA! That was sick! No one even saw us!” Cartman exclaimed with pride and threw his hands up in the air with a faint blush across his cheeks. Kyle watched him with a grin and chuckled. “Yeah. We’re lucky the bell rang right after or we would have been screwed.” He mentioned.

 “That was, like, really convenient. So kewl.”

 Kyle directed his attention back to the screen the two sat in front of. After school, they had went to Cartman’s house and played video games for about an hour. After their conversation about the thing at school they started arguing over the game they were playing. Cartman kept accusing Kyle of cheating after losing three rounds of Injustice 2.

 They ended up getting off multiplayer and set off to the multiverse so Cartman would stop complaining. “There. Happy now?” Kyle asked irritably.

 “What, you’re just gonna fight all these guys? There’s like 20! How the hell are you gonna pull that off?” Cartman asked loudly. Kyle sighed and facepalmed. “Okay, there’s only 5 and I’m not fighting all of them, you fat idiot. We can take turns. You fight the joker I’ll fight Reverse Flash and we go on from there.” Cartman made a small ‘o’ with his mouth and averted his eyes back to the TV.

 “Hey, Kahl?”

 “Huh?”

 “Do you...like hate me? A lot? Like you hate Hitler?” Cartman asked quietly and looked at the boy. It was out of character, but Kyle answered anyways. “Not as much as I used to. Why?”

 Cartman fiddled with his thumbs and bit his lower lip. “Just curious.”


	3. Crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ;)

“Look, all I’m saying is he might be gay! Just listen to his voice for a second!” Cartman held the phone up to Kyle’s ear while a Justin Bieber interview played on Youtube. He studied the ginger’s face as he did so hoping they could come to an agreement. Or not. Honestly, it was just fun to confuse him. Kyle’s brows furrowed and he paid very close attention to the voice. He pushed Cartman’s hand away with a little scoff. “I just don’t hear it, dude. Plus, he has that dumb haircut that all the soundcloud rappers have so I doubt he’s gay- Wait, who’s that?”

 Cartman turned to where Kyle was pointing and his eyes widened with shock. He quickly averted his eyes away and sputtered out a half assed answer. “Oh, I don’t know. Heh, look! It’s the bus! Come on, we should really get going.” He tapped his foot on the snow impatiently as the bus came to a stop. He pulled Kyle in by the arm as quick as he could and sat down in a random seat without a word. He tugged Kyle down and he flopped onto Cartman's shoulder with a quiet ‘oof’. “Hey! Mind telling me what the hell you’re doing?” He whisper yelled and his cheeks reddened with anger.

 “I have no clue what you’re talking about, Kyle.” He said with no inflection in his voice. The ginger tilted his head to the side and the flaps to his hat flopped along with him making him look like a confused puppy. If he wasn’t about to shit himself he would have thought it was kinda cute. Wow, he really needed to stop comparing Kyle to animals, that’s just creepy. Before Kyle could interrogate Cartman any longer, the bus driver yelled loudly. “Okay, ya lil’ shits! When I get yer asses to school, don’t be all scared when ya hear a loud ol’ fire alarm ‘cause it’s only a drill. I’m talkin’ to you, Clyde! Get it through yer thick head!” And with that she went back to watching the road. Cartman let out a relieved breath and sank into his seat.

 Out of the corner of his eye he saw the boy next to him squint in suspicion. “Are we just going to ignore the fact that you got scared of a girl you dated in middle school?” He asked nonchalantly. His eyes were half lidded, signaling that he was already getting irritated. Cartman looked out the window as he replied. “She’s kind of clingy, okay? If she saw me we all know she’d be trying to fucking molest me at the bus stop- Stop laughing you douche!”

 Kyle was sunk back into the seat in a laughing fit while the other spoke. His eyes watered and cold tears of joy ran down his cheeks. Craig looked over from the seat across from them with a bored expression and spoke up. “Why are you laughing so hard?”

 “Oh my God, remember that one ginger he dated in middle school? He thought she was gonna run after him or something-” Kyle said between laughs but Cartman cut him off by shoving him roughly, almost making him fall off the seat. “Ay! You have no room to talk, Triple J!”

 “You guys are so fucking gay, it’s unbelievable.” Craig then turned back to Clyde and continued their conversation.

 _______________

 “Oh, God dammit! Kahl, hide me!” Cartman said and he hid behind the smaller boy who stood next to his locker, holding his shoulder tightly and peeking to see if she was still there. Kyle sighed, and abruptly stopped his conversation with Stan to ask Cartman what the hell he was doing.

 “You’re that scared of her? Isn’t this supposed to be the other way around? I know I’d be terrified of you if I was her..” He mumbled. Cartman dug his nails into Kyle’s green hoodie once she spotted him. “FUCK!”

 She wore a high-waisted blue skirt and ankle boots with a white T tucked in. She trotted over with a bright smile as her ginger curls bounced happily. “Eric? Oh, my God! It’s been so long!” She exclaimed, looking past the short ginger he was trying to hide behind. He groaned and let his impulsivity kick in. “Calm down bitch, it’s only been like two years.” He said with a roll of his brown and blue eyes. Kyle decided to step in and greet her. “Hey, Audrey. Did you switch schools again?” He asked, but Cartman could tell he wasn’t actually interested at all. She shifted her green eyes down to the short boy, and let out a small chuckle. “Yes, and wow! You’re so short! I remember you being tall back in middle school.” She said with a soft voice.

 “Uh..thanks?” He shifted uncomfortably. Cartman nudged him in the side and whispered to him. “See what I told you? What a bitch!” Kyle then elbowed him in the stomach which earned him a groan from the taller boy.

 Her green eyes fell back on Cartman and she placed her hands on her hips. “We should catch up! Unless you’re already dating someone, then I wouldn’t want to get in the way of that.” She batted her eyelashes sweetly.

 Cartman lit up right away, finding the perfect scapegoat. “Oh, yes I’m already dating someone. In fact, you’re looking at him right now! Right, Kahl?” He stood with his chest puffed out and wore a confident expression over his face. Kyle’s brows furrowed. “What?” He wrapped his arms around Kyle’s shoulders and pulled him close to his chest, watching as Audrey’s smile fell. “We aren’t-”

 “I know, babe. We were supposed to come out at the Spring Dance but I didn’t want to lead you on or anything.” Cartman explained and shot Kyle a pleading glare. Audrey smiled again. “No, it’s fine. I totally understand. You two look so cute together, though! But I have a little question, how do you kiss? The height difference must be a pain.”

 “Easy, I pick him up like this,” He proceeded to pick up the boy, who tried protesting and squirmed around but couldn’t get out of Cartman’s hold. He held Kyle in a bear hug then turned to her. “Then kiss!” He gave the ginger an exaggerated peck on the lips then dropped him on the floor with a loud thump. “You dick! Are you trying to break my neck?” He yelled. He rubbed the back of his head, that had hit one of the lockers.

 “Calm down, Triple J. You were like two feet off the ground. Anyways,” He gave Audrey a fake smile. “You can go now.” He waved her off, she looked down at Kyle and said goodbye to the pair then left without another word.

 He held his hand out to help Kyle up, and the ginger brushed himself off once he got to his feet. “Are you nuts? I thought we weren’t gonna be doing this shit!” He yelled. Cartman rolled his eyes. “I’ve done this before, Kahl. It’s not like we’re actually dating-”

 “No shit, Sherlock! And why’d you drop me on the fucking floor?”

 Cartman shrugged with a sly smirk forming across his face. Kyle huffed, then shoved the boy back so he fell on the floor. “Ow! Kahl! That hurt!” He faked. Kyle flipped him off and went to the direction of his first class after the loud bell rang.

 “Asshole..” Cartman mumbled to himself.

 _______________

 Kenny lifted his drink off the tray he had taken from the cafeteria. He kept his eyes on Cartman who sat across from him next to Stan. “So,” He took a sip off the straw. “You and Kyle...are you like,” He made a sexual gesture with his hands until Cartman threw a piece of trash at the blonde’s face. “No! I had to lie so she’d leave me alone! I wouldn’t ever date a daywalker, you should know this Kinny!"

 Kyle stared at Kenny with dark eyes. “Of course we aren’t dating. He just wanted to make a fucking scene in front of her like a baby. And if we were dating, he wouldn’t have dropped me on the floor!” He mentioned as his eyes landed on Cartman. The brunette just rolled his eyes melodramatically and sighed. “Here we go again, just because I accidentally dropped you! It’s not my fault you’re the ‘Mighty Midget’ of the school.”

 “Well, just because you’re the ‘Legendary Lardass’ doesn’t mean you can go around and pull a WWE move on people shorter than you!” Kyle exclaimed, then Kenny promptly butted in to make a comment.

 “For people who aren’t dating, you sure act like a married couple.” He said unhelpfully. Both Kyle and Cartman turned to him at the same time and yelled in unison. “Shut up, Kenny!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this came out later than expected cuz the chapter i originally wrote escalated way too quickly. i'll probably use it later on because i like the idea  
> and idfk who audrey is i just made her up randomly while writing and eric only dated her cuz she kinda looked like kyle


	4. Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ;)))))))

Kyle sat criss-crossed on the messy bed, focused on the game he played on the TV. The boy next to him watched while laid down on his stomach, growing more and more bored. His attention drifted to the messy red hair that for once wasn’t hidden under that stupid hat.

 Cartman nudged the ginger with his elbow playfully. “Kahl, it’s been like a whole month and we haven’t done anything.” He complained growing a fake frown.

 “It’s been three hours, you tard. If you want to fuck someone every five minutes,” He explained, “then get a girlfriend or something- FUCK!” Kyle jumped once Cartman had poked him in the side, too roughly for anyone’s taste in general. He smacked the brunette upside the head with a loud ‘slap’ which had shushed him immediately.

 Kyle dropped the controller on the ground, also bored of the video game. “Do you have a crush on Audrey?” He asked out of the blue, looking down at Cartman curiously.

 “EWW! She probably has Herpes, Kyle! No way!” He shook his hands, repulsed at the thought. The ginger didn’t look very convinced. “You always treat people you have a crush on like shit. Although, to be fair, you treat everyone like shit.”

 Cartman scowled darkly. “So, by your logic, I don’t only want to fuck you, but I want to marry you and have 8 cats together just like the gay couples in the m-”

 “Okay! I was wrong, I get it!” The ginger exclaimed with a bitter pout. His cheeks puffed up in frustration, giving Cartman a warm feeling in his chest.

 “You’re so c-” Before he could finish the sentence he cut himself off and closed his mouth tightly. Kyle’s anger faded and was replaced with confusion. “I’m what?”

 Cartman’s eyes went wide as he tried to think of an answer.

 “Uhm, your hair! It’s so curly. What did you think I was gonna say?” He sputtered before sitting up and keeping his eyes away from Kyle’s direction.

 Kyle let out a huff and crossed his arms. “Don’t you hate my hair?” Cartman darted his eyes to the boy for a quick second, contemplating on what he should say. “Yeah, it’s distracting and annoying. At least with that stupid hat on people don’t have to look at it.”

 “Should I cut it?” He asked.

 Cartman actually did like his hair, it was really fun to play with and pull on. He was kinda stuck here, if he said no then Kyle would tease him, but if he said yes then he might actually cut it which he did not want at all. Not that he’d ever admit to it.

 “I’ll rip on you more if you do.” It wasn’t a yes, but it wasn’t a no either.

 “I can dye it. Then you wouldn’t be able to call me a daywalker anymore-”

 “NO! You’ll look like a douche! What, are you gonna go blonde like Butters?” To this, Kyle laughed. “I could always dye it brown, you know.”

 Cartman melodramatically groaned. “That’s stupid! Just keep your dumb hair the way it is!”

 “Eric, sweetie! One of your little friends are here! Come say hi-”

 “Tell them to suck my balls! I’m busy!” Cartman yelled. Liane opened the door gently. “She really wants to see you. And she just came back from North Park, so she deserves a welcome back. Kyle, you should say hi, too.” And with that she shut the door.

 The two boys decided to exit the room and started walking down the stairs.

 On the way down Cartman started quietly singing to himself. “You’ll never be far, I’m keeping you near, inside of my heart you’re here. Go on, it’s gotta be time you’re starting to shine-”

 “What the hell are you singing?”

 “CAUSE WHAT YOU GOT IS GOLD-”

 “Shut the fuck up, fat shit! Did you make that up?” Kyle yelled.

 Cartman stopped singing to answer. “It’s by the same band that made that one song that goes like ‘You would not believe your eyes, IF TEN MILLION FIREFLIES’ ya know?”

 “You listen to that band? I took you more for a Fall Out Boy fan.”

 “Ay! What am I, emo now?”

 They reached the door and Cartman opened it only to feel disdained upon seeing who it was.

 Her glassy emerald eyes brightened and a smile had spread across her face. “Hey, Eric! And Kyle. I wanted to know if we could all hang out together! I’d love to hear the story of how you two got together.” Audrey gushed.

 The brunette threw his hands up in frustration. “Ugh! We kissed under the moonlight and instantly wanted to fuck each other, the end.” He lied. “Now leave me alone!”

 Kyle crossed his arms angrily but stayed silent. Instead of joining the conversation, he made his way to the staircase to let Cartman work it out. This didn’t sit well with cartman, though.

 “Fuck you too, Kahl!”

 Audrey cleared her throat to grab Cartman’s attention. “Well, hit me up when you two are free. And I promise, I won’t tell a soul!” She handed him a piece of paper with a phone number written on it which he guessed belonged to her. He quickly slammed the door shut and crumbled up the paper, promptly throwing it on the ground after. He made a b-line to the stairs and made his way up, hearing a faint rustling coming from his room.

 He quickened his pace, in fear that Kyle was getting into stuff that  **DIDN'T BELONG TO HIM.**

Once in the doorway, he saw the ginger holding his messy journal and flipping through the pages. A sketchy drawing had caught the boy’s attention and he squinted to get a better look at it. “Is that my mom?”

 Cartman rushed over and swiped the book from his hands and flung it shut. “None of your business! Didn’t anyone teach you that snooping is fucking rude?” He spat defensively. Kyle rolled his eyes, and snagged one of the papers that was sticking out of the book, unfolding it. He started reading it out loud. “I know he’s on my shit list, but fuck, Kyle is- hey!” Cartman shoved him and took the paper, ripping it up shortly after.

 “Kyle, if you keep pulling this shit I’m going to kick your ass.”

 “You couldn’t kick my ass and we both know that.” He mouthed off.

 Cartman tackled him onto the bed, which started a full on fight between the pair. They were punching, kicking, and slapping each other for a good while up until Kyle mounted him. He grabbed the brunette’s hands and kept them in a tight grip next to his sides. He tried squirming away but all attempts failed which resulting in a little snicker escaping Kyle’s mouth.

 “See? You can’t fight worth shit unless you have a weapon.”

 Cartman looked up at him, face flushing a deep red. “God dammit! Get off of me, Succubus!” He shrieked.

 Kyle quirked his head to the side in confusion. “Succubus?”

 “Yes! I said Succubus! You’re sucking the life out of me with your creepy seduction. Now get off!” He whined.

 “How is this seductive at all? Are you getting a boner over this like some kind of sadist?” Kyle teased.

 Cartman let out a few swears under his breath and darted his eyes away. “No..” He said shakily. It was like he was stuck in a box and the walls were being closed in on him.

 Kyle shifted, and his face was inches away from Cartman’s. “You’re poking me. Do I look like an idiot?” The brunette made the mistake of making eye contact with him, getting hotter while he stared into those lively rings of blue and green. He decided to just say fuck it, and went up to kiss him. Kyle was weirdly caught off guard, but he didn’t break away from the kiss. In fact, he started kissing back not much later. Kyle let Cartman’s hands free, and reached his smaller hands to cup the boy’s face. Cartman’s on the other hand, traveled up to the curly ginger hair and he tugged on it playfully.

 Then a knock came from the door.

 Cartman tore his lips away irritably. “Fuck off! I’m busy!”

 “Dude, there’s a party at Bebe’s house tonight!” The two boys broke apart as quickly as they could once they heard the doorknob had squeaked.

 Cartman was the first to greet Stan and Kenny on the other side of the door while Kyle was busy trying to straighten up his hair.

 Kenny brought his hands up to slip his hood down. “You look like shit. Were you and your boyfriend fucking?” He asked sarcastically. Cartman reddened with anger and spat back. “You’re one to talk! It looks like someone grabbed you by the neck and threw you into a swamp!” It really did, Kenny’s face was covered in dirt and his bright blonde hair somehow turned brown. His parka wasn’t very dirty, though. Kenny rolled his eyes and shoved Cartman out of the way to squeeze into his room along with Stan.

 Kyle didn’t look as messy as Cartman did, so Kenny couldn’t say the same about him. “Hey, Jersey boy. Why were you hanging out with Cartman?” Kenny asked.

 “I was helping him with his math homework because he wouldn’t stop fucking complaining.” Which was partly true, he had came over after Cartman texted him about how hard the homework was.

 Stan began to speak again, mentioning the party, “Bebe’s gonna throw this huge party tonight at her place. She said there was going to be all these different kinds of alcohol like Rumchata, Smirnoff and Bacardi. Anyone’s allowed to go but you have to bring a girlfriend or something so you can participate in the shit she has planned.” He said.

 Cartman walked up to the group unenthusiastically. He yawned loudly. “Well, guess that sucks for us. Kyle clearly won’t get anywhere and I don’t like any of the hoes at our school.”

 “Of course you don’t. You only like the guys there.” Kenny sniggered.

 “AY!”

 Kyle went up to Cartman and punched him in the arm. “Yeah, I’ll go. Who are you gonna bring, Kenny?” Kyle asked.

 “Meh, maybe the new girl. I heard she’s single.”

 Cartman fake gagged, “Good luck, po boy. Her pussy is bigger than a hallway.”

 Stan and Kyle went pale, wanting so desperately to throw up. Kenny squinted his eyes at the brunette. “Yeah, right. You’re just mad that once she goes for me, you won’t have the slightest chance of getting a date.”

 “Wait, are you talking about Audrey Miller? She looks a lot like Kyle.” Stan spoke lamely. Kenny looked over with his brows raised in realization. “So that’s why fatass dated her!” He exclaimed.

 “Okay, bye! Get out! We’ll come to the party if you two fuck off!” Cartman said. With that, they left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, a new chapter! I realized that two days isn't enough time to get these chapters done so I'm gonna be making a new one once every week. Sorry this chapter was kinda short, it was just a lead up to the party in the next chapter.


	5. Sleep Tight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a sickly sweet chapter :)

Bebe flipped her long blonde hair out of her face, and leaned seductively against the door fram greeting the four boys. Her high waisted skirt and crop top didn't make her look any less naughty, especially with that smeared pink lipstick smudged across her right cheek. She spoke loud enough for all of them to hear over the booming music, "Who's dating who?"  
  
Stan was the first to answer, both for himself and Kenny, "We're with Wendy and the new chick." He gestured, pointing to Kenny at the mention of the new girl at their school. Although, Kenny didn't look very happy about it.  
  
Bebe darted her eyes to Kyle and Cartman. "What about you two?" She asked loudly. Cartman puffed out his chest pridefully, "I'm with Annie! She's gonna be here in like, an hour."  
  
The next to answer was Kyle, who looked almost as unamused as Kenny. "I'm with Nichole." He answered lamely. Cartman clicked his tongue with a dramatic roll of his eyes, "Boooring!" He exclaimed.  
  
All four boys had made their way in once Bebe had moved away from the entrance of her house. A strong odor; most likely all the expensive brands of different alcohol, had filled the room. Stan spotted Wendy and immediately ran over like a fawning puppy. Cartman giggled under his breath, thinking he looked like more of an idiot than all the drunken dancing teenagers jumping on and breaking tables. Kenny walked over to Clyde and Token who were sitting on the couch smoking pot, probably wanting to join in with them. This left Kyle and Cartman, who had found themselves in the kitchen arguing over candy and drinking out of a tall bottle of Fireball, spiked with something unknown to make whoever drank it loosen up ten times more than they would have with the drink alone.  
  
"Skittles are better! Eat one Starburst and all your teeth get stuck together!" Kyle slurred at the taller boy. "That just makes them better! After an hour you run out and you're all sad, but you find that last bit stuck in your teeth and it's like God came up to you and let you drink his piss!" Cartman yelled, stumbling and trying to take the bottle of alcohol from Kyle.  
  
Kyle shoved him away, Cartman ended up leaning onto a counter for support. "That's fucking disgusting! And paws off, you already drank more than half of it!" Kyle spat, with little venom to his voice. It sounded more playful than anything, at least to Cartman it did. "You know what? I'm breaking up with you. Forget about our anniversary, no teddy bear filled with diamonds for you." He waved Kyle off jokingly, though Kyle was beyond confused. He sputtered out, "I...whah?"  
  
Cartman somehow confused himself in the process, repeating what Kyle said, "Whah?"  
  
"Ohhh." Kyle finished.  
  
"Eh." Cartman replied. Kenny had appeared in front of the two, not nearly high enough to understand what was going on with them. "Are you two speaking a different language or what? You know what, nevermind, come on!" Kenny tugged at Kyle's sleeve and gestured for Cartman to follow. "Bebe said we're starting the kinky shit. I don't care how drunk you dumbasses are, you're playing too."  
  
Kenny was far ahead, leaving a confused brunette behind who somehow forgot English. He then registered what the blonde said, and ran up to the two boys.  
  
Bebe clapped her hands together, still slightly more sober than the rest of the teenagers at the party. "Alright! Find your date and get ready! I'm changing things up this year for one good reason, to get you dumb fuckers laid because you keep complaining about it not happening. We're playing spin the bottle first, whoever the bottle lands on Wendy and I will decide a sexual dare for the both of you and no backing out! You don't have to play this one, but if you choose not to you can't come running up to me saying my party sucked because your stupid ass didn't get laid. Now get in a circle!" She spoke loudly and proudly. All of them were gathered around, crowding the living room. A few had left but the rest had stayed and say in a circle with an unknown dark coloured bottle in the middle of them. Kenny sat next to Kyle and Audrey, while Nichole sat on the other side of the ginger. Cartman was a few people away from Kyle, sitting next to an almost passed out Annie. The first person to spin was Kevin, the bottle had landed on Red much to his displeasure. He cursed to himself quietly, waiting for Bebe and Wendy to chose whatever dare they were going to force them to do. Wendy whispered to her blonde friend, and her eyes lightened up almost instantly. "Kevin and Red, we dare you to go and stay together in the bathroom for twenty minutes."  
  
They both reluctantly made their way to the bathroom, being locked in by Bebe. The blonde came back announcing loudly, "While we wait for those two, lets continue the game. Kenny, it's your turn!"  
  
_______________  
  
Not much had happened for a long while now, Kevin and Red of course had done nothing in the bathroom but pout and argue. Craig had gotten dared to suck Butters' dick, but he ended up punching him in the face and giving him a bloody nose so they put an end to that right away.  
  
"Can I go now?" Cartman whined. Bebe waved him off and he excitedly spun the bottle, very sloppily. The bottle spun for maybe five seconds until landing. Once the crowd realized who it landed on, they went eerily quiet. Cartman noticed this sudden change of atmosphere and looked around confusedly. He looked down at the bottle and realized why. He felt sweat forming on his forehead, but he kept the best poker face he could. Kenny tapped Kyle's shoulder and pointed to the bottle, "Um, Kyle?"  
  
"Huh?" Kyle looked down at the bottle, though he wasn't very phased by it, mostly due to the alcohol. "Oh."  
  
Bebe and Wendy started murmuring to dach other, and so did the rest of the crowd. "We dare you two to...make out for 30 seconds. In front of all of us." Bebe had finally announced. Kyle and Cartman locked eyes, no one could really tell what telepathic messages they were sending to each other. Kyle got up and walked over to the bigger boy. Everyone had started chatting louder, ths mood coming back slowly.  
  
The ginger sat in front of him, looking too drunk to really understand what was going on, just like their first time. Kyle pulled Cartman's head down by the collar of his shirt and started, hoping that Bebe started counting already. Cartman felt uncomfortable to say the least. He kind of kissed back but tried looking as repulsed as possible in order to not give away any hints as to what they were actually doing in their free time. Kyle on the other hand, just made the kiss seem as fake as he could while still being drunk as holy hell.  
  
Bebe yelled out, "Time!" And they broke apart as quickly as they could.  
  
Kyle got up and walked away from the circle, looking slightly shaken up. Cartman was stunned, trying to figure out how to respond to the situation. The alcohol wasn't helping him in his favour, and all his energy went to his dick right away. The group had went back to playing the game, but Cartman had went looking for Kyle who had just disappeared.  
  
He looked everywhere, but couldn't find him. Maybe he went home? Cartman felt too shitty to do anything right now, so he found the nearest door and just locked himself in the dark room which was most likely a closet. He slid back against the door, but he felt a warm presence next to him that made him jump. "Cartman!?"  
  
"Kahl!? What are you doing here?"  
  
"I don't know, it was the closest place I could find that wasn't a bedroom." He shrugged. Cartman lightened up a little, "Huh. Dumb minds think alike."  
  
Kyle playfully elbowed him, "You're the only dumb one here." He slightly slurred. The brunette felt his pants tighten once he felt Kyle nudge him. They were sitting next to eachother he guessed, but he couldn't see a thing. His impulsivity had been increased by the alcohol, so he tried making a move on the boy. "I know you were faking it, but that kiss turned me on so much." He found Kyle's lips, and cupped the boy's cheeks. He bent his head down to kiss him, feeling those soft lips on his own had felt so fucking good. He felt a light hum escape Kyle's throat, feuling his arousal. His hands moved up to tug on his hair, he roughly played with it while pretty much just sucking on his face. He felt a smaller set of hands wrap around his neck.  
  
"God, Kyle you are so fucking cute..."  
  
During their euphoria, these words caught Kyle's attention. He tore away, looking up at Cartman. Both of their eyes had adjusted to the darkness, so they could kind of make out what they were looking at. He asked softly, "Is that what you were about to say yesterday?"  
  
Cartman had no problem saying, "Yes. Kyle, I hate you so much, but you are the cutest person I know. You're like an angry tiger cub." He explained, though he slurred through half the words. Kyle brought his hands up to cup the boy's cheeks and kissed him deeply. It felt...different to say the least. It didn't feel inherently sexual, and it gave Cartman this all too familiar feeling in his chest. But what did he know? He was too fucking drunk to even blink properly.  
  
But damn, did the kiss feel satisfying. He kissed back with just as much passion, deepening it as much as he could. Kyle moaned sweetly into it, sending slight shivers down Cartman's spine.  
  
_______________  
  
Cartman woke at God knows what time, nuzzled up into eachother like and in quote, "A married couple". Kyle had his arms around Cartman's torso, with his head peacefully laid on his chest. By the looks of it, they didn't get really far sex-wise. He really was cute, regardless of how fucking mean he was. Cartman carefully lifted his hand up and ran his fingers through Kyle's silky hair. He used to do this all the time when he snuck into Kyle's room at night. He couldn't help himself, the boy just looked so pettable. Cartman thought, _Oh my Christ, I'm so fucking gay._ Stupid Kyle and his cute baby face. All his life, Kyle just HAD to butt in and make him feel all warm and bubbly inside like some kind of shitty romance novel written by a pretentious asshole. And a 60 year old virgin.  
  
He was so fun to piss off, certain buttons that he pushed, Kyle would yell at or fight him. And he would never, ever give up unless he knew he was in the wrong. Everyone else would just give in which was boring as hell, but he could always rely on the little daywalker to try and take him down. Although he had to admit that his plans and schemes aren't as extreme as they used to be. Like, Cartman won't kill a guy's parents and feed it to him if he bribed him into buying his pubes, but he wouldn't mind selling a few aborted fetuses that he found on the side of a road.  
  
He wondered when he should wake Kyle up, they needed to leave before anyone thought something fishy was going on. He slipped his hand down to the ginger's shoulder and lightly shook him while quietly calling his name but he was knocked out cold.  
  
Cartman shifted and wrapped one of his arms around Kyle's back and grabbed his legs with his other hand. Kyle's face nuzzled into his neck. He stood up and walked out of the closet quietly. He walked out to the living room seeing a bunch of passed out teenagers naked on the couch. He mentally gagged and averted his eyes to a digital clock on one of the night stands which read 5:28 in neon blue. The front door was left open, thankfully, so he walked out clutching Kyle close to his chest. The snow wasn't harsh, but he felt oddly too protective at the moment to let the cold beat on him.  
  
He made it up to Kyle's doorstep and maneuvered in a way to open the door. He walked upstairs and found the room, gently laying the boy down in his bed that was luminated by the light outside his window. Cartman pulled the blankets over him and tucked him in.  
  
He put his hand over Kyle's forehead and brushed the ginger curls away. Cartman planted a sweet kiss on his forehead, whispering tiredly, "Sleep tight, Kyle."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhh new chapter! I liked the way this turned out, hopefully it wasn't too OOC considering how lovey dovey our boys were acting. Also the chapters before this look like ass because I did them on my computer so the paragraphs were like a mile apart srry


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fight fight fight

**Kenny's POV**  
  
I looked Cartman up and down suspiciously, analyzing all the little details on him. Messy hair, goofy smile, lazily put together outfit. And those overly stretched out staring contests he had with Kyle. Oh, and did I forget to mention that I saw him kicking Kyle's legs under the table? Of course, yeah, he's done that before, but not in the way  _I_ saw. The little make out session they had last night at Bebe's party definitely changed something. Or maybe it wasn't even that, maybe it was something they did _after_. According to all the other kids that were blackout drunk, they never kissed. The only ones that remember are Bebe, Wendy and I. That I know of, at least. However, there was a small rumor going around that Cartman carried Kyle back home while he was drunk and they did it. But that wasn't very believable considering that no one would know if they actually fucked or not unless they followed them back home. Maybe I'd find it more reliable if they left out the fucking part. I mean, he  _has_ done that before.  
  
"Hey, Kinny! Are you done eye-fucking me yet?" Cartman yelled out. All I had to say to that was, "Yeah, right. I wouldn't even do that if I was offered a million dollars."  
  
_______________  
  
"Is Kenny mad at you?" Kyle glanced up at him curiously. Cartman shrugged nonchalantly, "I mean, I don't know what I did. He was staring at me like I fucked his sister or something." He sighed.  
  
Kyle bit his bottom lip nervously, "Maybe he's onto us. I don't remember what happened at the party but I hope we didn't do anything in front of anyone."  
  
"Uhm," Cartman peeped, "we were in the closet together for a few hours. And not in the gay way, in the real way. I don't think anyone saw us, though. And I got us out of there while everyone was asleep." He said quickly, yet reassuringly. Kyle didn't look pleased, but he wasn't angry. "Really? God, I need to stop drinking..." He ran his hand through his ginger curls, lightly pulling on it. "Oh, chillax. At least you aren't as bad as the little hippie fag. But, why did you start drinking? I thought you were always against that-"  
  
"I know!" Kyle snapped, "Drinking just helps loosen me up." He leaned back against the couch with a light 'flop'. "Doesn't mean I should drink every night, though. I might end up like my dad that way." He said quietly to himself. Cartman softened his expression a little at this, "Nah. You're too much like your mom to end up like him. So," He continued, catching Kyle's attention, "you'll always be a tight-ass Jew. Don't have to worry about becoming the next Skankhunt42." Cartman slightly teased, though truth still stayed within his words. Kyle's shoulders slumped in relief, "Well, that's the first time I actually wanted to hear that." His blue-green eyes fell on Cartman's rosey cheeks. He gave him a sweet smile, which the bigger boy had returned. It reminded him of a moment they shared way back in fourth grade, when Stan was being a pessimistic fuckhead.  
  
"Do you remember anything from the party?" Cartman suddenly asked. Kyle snapped out of his haze, trying to find at least one memory from the party. The only thing he could think of was the word 'cute'. It seemed very familiar, someone must have said it to him at one point. "Did someone call me cute or something? If so I probably got really pissed about it or I wouldn't have remembered."  
  
Cartman averted his eyes and shifted uncomfortably, "Oh, I don't know. Were you flirting with someone like the slut you are?" He spat defensively. Kyle furrowed his brows, "What a fat load of help you are." He crossed his arms while staring daggers at the boy next to him, "I probably should so I can live up to my name. Maybe I'll fuck three people at once so I can  _really_  live up to it. You would just love that, wouldn't you?" He asked rhetorically.  
  
Cartman started getting more irritated, "You propably already have. You sound like you have while you're screaming my name. Fucking whore."  
  
Kyle got up off the couch. "Fine! If I'm such a whore than I'll just leave right now and fuck that blonde guy in our math class!" He exclaimed. A deep shade of red had formed on his cheeks out of fury.  
  
Cartman turned red out of both anger and betrayal, "What!? Have you been crushing on him or something!?"  
  
"So what if I have?" Kyle tried overpowering Cartman's voice, "You don't own me! I can like whoever the fuck I want!" To this, Cartman stood up to reach Kyle's eye level. "Good! Because I already like Audrey!" He blatantly lied, though it seemed to get to Kyle.  
  
His face immediately softened, his anger turning more into an emotion that Cartman couldn't quite put his finger on. "No you don't."  
  
"Yes I do! And she's ten times hotter than you! I've been fucking her while you weren't around, and God is she hot while she screams out my name." He stated, though he regretted it after it came out. Both because it was _vile_ and it seemed to effect Kyle in a way that he didn't intend on. Kyle backed away, his face only read of some kind of saddness or disappointment, "Oh. That's..." he desperately tried to find something to say, finally deciding on, "fine. It's fine. Why would I care? We aren't together." He sputtered, not too confidently. He crossed his arms and averted his eyes away, avoiding any eye contact with Cartman.  
  
"I gotta go." Kyle said quickly and left just like that. He didn't slam the door, he didn't stomp out like he was mad. It was out of character, and Cartman didn't like it at all. He mentally kicked himself, knowing he just fucked everything up. He flopped down on the couch, not even wanting to watch TV because he'd only he thinking about Kyle the whole time.  
  
_______________

**Kenny's POV**

"See what I told you, Stan!? Yesterday they were acting like Tweek and Craig and now they aren't even going near each other like they got into some big fight." I pointed to Kyle who kept scooting away the closer Cartman got. They weren't bickering like usual, they just acted like the other didn't exist. Stan quirked his head to the side, clearly confused, "Well, they've done this before. Trust me, tomorrow they'll go back to arguing over nothing. And I doubt it's because they're in some weird relationship like you're saying."  
  
_Oh my God, you oblivious asshole._ "You don't pay attention to shit that they do. You're almost as dumb as Kyle when it comes to this." I spat viciously. Stan rolled his eyes irritably, "Whatever."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kind of short chapter, but I was really motivated for some reason so I had to get this out. My posting is so inconsistent its crazy, just bare with me.

It's been almost a week, and Kyle was still avoiding Cartman. Seriously, what the fuck? The brunette tried to call him at _least_ a hundred times over. He didn't know why Kyle was acting so weird, but it was starting to piss him off. He tried confronting him at school, but he always managed to stay ten feet away from Cartman like he had a restraining order on him. So, Cartman came up with a genious plan, lure him somewhere and talk to him. But it had to be somewhere he couldn't run away from.  
  
Conveniently enough, Kenny approached Cartman and said he knew what was going on. So, he helped him out, that way both Cartman and Kyle would stop being weird. He gave Cartman his phone and sent a text to Kyle telling him to meet up downtown. This way, Kyle would think it was Kenny that he was going to meet up with. Duh.  
  
**hey babe u wanna meet downtown after skool at that 1 cool bar yanno**  
  
**Sure.**   
  
"Thanks, Kinny. You better not tell anyone about this, though." Cartman warned, a little wary that the blonde might spill the beans to everyone at school. "Whatever, they'll find out on their own. See ya later, dude." With that, Kenny waved him off and walked to his next class.  
  
_______________  
  
Kyle peeked around the corner, looking to find the boy that texted him earlier today. He heard footsteps behind him, which he asumed was Kenny. He turned around only to see Eric fucking Cartman. His legs felt weak, he couldn't move, and worst of all he probably looked as red as his ginger hair. _Fuck._  
  
"Kyle, we need to talk." Cartman started, very seriously. Kyle looked up at him shakily, "There's nothing to talk ab-"  
  
"Yes there is! I'm not dealing with your shit today! Just listen!" He grabbed Kyle's shoulder, being careful not to be too rough and startle the boy. "I lied about Audrey! And when you asked who called you cute I got defensive because it was me! There, the big secret is out! I fucking think you're cute, okay?" He exasperated, equally as terrified as the ginger. Kyle's mouth hung open in shock, "I..." his expression softened upon hearing this, thankful that he lied about Audrey. That's all he's wanted to hear all week, but he didn't think it would actually happen.   
  
"I'm sorry..."   
  
Cartman let go of his shoulder and raised one of his brows in confusion, "For what?"  
  
Kyle took a deep, shaky breath, "Oh God, I really overreacted..." he put both his hands up to his face in shame, "When you said that stuff about Audrey, I don't know- this thing we had going got way out of hand, on my part at least." He tried explaining. Cartman felt a horrible sinking in his chest, but he didn't know why. He wasn't getting rejected, he didn't just find out some horrible news, so what could it be? He pondered, a certain thought crossed his mind along the way. Had Kyle felt the same? But he shot that one down instantly, because they hated each other. Yeah, just hate.  
  
Kyle lifted his head up to meet Cartman's warm gaze, and his heart almost stopped. God, he just wanted to run away from all these ridiculous feelings he had. All he wanted to do was pull him down by the collar of his shirt and kiss him like he was in a very gay rom-com.   
  
"How about we get back home? We can talk about our gay problems there." Cartman finally said, and Kyle silently agreed with a simple nod.  
  
_______________  
  
They had decided to hang out at Cartman's house, and watch a movie. You know, to loosen up the tension. Kyle was really deflated for a while, but laughed a little while watching the movie, at least the parts he was paying attention to. Cartman tried his best not to make the boy uncomfortable, and so far he was succeeding.  
  
After the movie, the brunette turned to Kyle with a soft expression. Kyle looked up at him, and he wasn't lying when he said he was cute. He started speaking calmly, "So, why were you avoiding me?"  
  
Kyle looked down in embarrassment, but replied anyways, "I guess I was just upset because of the whole Audrey thing. It's stupid."  
  
He fiddled with his thumbs nervously, but decided that he should say what's on his mind. What's there left to lose? "Remember those rules I made in the beginning of all of this?" Cartman nodded, encouraging Kyle to continue, "I broke one of them. Like a fucking douchebag, I broke one of my own, stupid rules." He was almost on the bridge of tears, so he shook his head and tried pushing all the shitty thoughts away.   
  
The boy beside him was in awe, in all honesty he was hoping to God he broke the only important rule, the one that involed them falling gay for each other. He knows he already broke it before this thing even started, but Kyle didn't need to know that. Yet.  
  
"Cartman, promise you won't get mad?" He asked, terrified of what he might do. Cartman nodded a little too giddily, but Kyle didn't seem to notice. He let out a shaky breath, but finally got out, "I fell gay for you, okay?"


	8. Eight

Cartman choked on his own breath for a moment, not at all expecting to hear those words no matter how many clues he had gotten prior.   
  
"Are you being seriously?"  
  
His frenemy held his head down, "Look," he started panicking, "I don't know how it happened! You're the most annoying, unbearable, narcissistic, and terrible person I know."  
  
Hmm. Cartman wore a smug grin, keeping his eyes lightly trained on Kyle. "And?" He asked. Kyle pulled his head up shamefully, "I'm not saying anymore just for you to rip on me."   
  
"Why would I rip on you for all the lovely compliments? Keep going," he fanned himself with his hand, quite flamboyantly, "it's a huge turn on for me." Kyle cracked a small smile but immediately bit it back, "Can you stop? God, I regret saying that.."  
  
_Pfft. No you don't._ "Alright, fine," Cartman put his arm around Kyle's shoulders loosely, "if we're giving each other wedding vows," though he paused to think through what he was about to say. Kyle _could_ just be fucking with him so he can use anything Cartman said as blackmail. But, he could also be seriously, which would make more sense because he's a shit actor.   
  
He's been holding this in for years now, so if Kyle is telling the truth, he might aswell too, "I also fell gay for you."   
  
"This isn't funny, Cartman! I'm being serious!" Kyle snapped.   
  
"Ay! Who said I wasn't? God dammit- hang on!" He was _not_ ready to deal with Kyle's shit right now. He got up off the couch and ran upstairs. If he was admitting to his gay ass crush, he should just go all out instead of being a pussy about it.  
  
Digging through an old box he kept under his bed, he found just what he was looking for. "It better fucking be in here.." he grumbled to himself. An old journal that he used to write in back in fourth grade was shown very dirty and messy. Papers were sticking and falling out in between the pages. He flipped through it quickly, coming across very vulgar and inappropriate drawings, (which were AWESOME by the way) and bingo. He took a slightly torn and folded up piece of paper with a picture taped to the back out and slammed the book shut. The journal was dropped carelessly into the box and Cartman kicked the box roughly under the bed. _Time to shine._  
  
"AY! You stay right fucking there!" He shouted to Kyle who was tying the laces to his boots. He shot his head up curiously and dropped what he was doing.  
  
Cartman made his way to the couch and flopped down next to the shorter boy, "If you use this against me, I will hunt down your little dildo of a brother and lock him in my basement." He held a serious face, which was honestly a little intimidating. Kyle looked him up and down suspiciously, but took the paper and unfolded it, not noticing the picture taped to the back right away.  
  
"...wait." Kyle's eyes widened in shock; he flipped over the paper and saw the picture. "Oh my God..."   
  
Cartman began to feel heat rise up to his face, "Back in fourth grade I didn't want to show you because I thought you'd act different. But don't tell anyone! They don't need to know about it." He said sternly. Kyle just gave him a warm smile, "Wasn't planning on it. I guess you really were telling the truth." He folded the paper back up and gave it to Cartman, who shoved it into his jacket pocket.  
  
"I have no reason to lie about this, Kahl. But remember! This stays between us only! And Butters."  
  
Kyle tilted his head to the side, "Butters?"  
  
"I know, horrible decision." Cartman shrugged.  
  
"Well..what do we do now?" The shorter boy asked. Again, Cartman shrugged, "What do they do in the movies? Get married?"   
  
Kyle rolled his eyes and clicked his tongue, "That's not an option-"  
  
_RING RING_  
  
Kyle picked up his phone that had been laid down next to him, and Cartman could hear his mom loudly yelling from the other line. He took this time to go back upstairs and slip the paper back into his journal.   
  
He took it out of his pocket and unfolded it to get a one last look in. For nostalgic purposes, of course.   
  
At the top of the paper it read, " **SF 'Smug Storm' Plan-A** "   
  
He flipped it over and scanned over the selfie he had taken with an unconscious gerald making a very ugly face, before he dropped him and his family off on the bus.  
  
Then it disappeared back into the book it had stayed in for all those years.


	9. Dollface

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Uh very inappropriate thats all I have to say

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I have this weird headcanon where eric calls kyle dollface and pretty much creams himself when kyle calls him baby. Disgustingly cute pet names are fucking amazing

The sun shone brightly through the light, fluffy clouds in the sky. Kenny took a deep breath and smiled, ever so grateful that it wasn't a snowy day. Each sound of his footsteps echoed through the empty school halls. Among the light sounds were rattling and light squeaks coming from the men's bathroom stalls on the left side of Kenny. Curiously, he peeked his head in staying as quiet as possible, noticing the squeaks getting louder. Slight banging came from the very last stall, making Kenny feel a little uncomfortable. The stall door shook slightly, and Kenny instantly realized what was going on. He didn't need another clue to figure out that two people were fucking in there.   
  
Quietly, he took a few steps into the bathroom, a little curious as to who was making all this noise. Creepy? Yes. But he was bored. He bent down a little, seeing an all too familiar pair of thick, dark boots.  _Cartman!_ He held that thought, hearing a loud moan from the stall that definitely  _wasn't_ said fatass. The voice had a higher pitch to it, though it _could_  have been just any girl from the school. Kenny listened closer, the same voice let out another moan, this time more dragged out. Then a small slap echoed through the bathroom to hush the voice, and Kenny heard Cartman mutter, "Shut up, Kahl!"  
  
_I fucking knew it._  
  
_______________  


The fluffy blankets beneath the two boys rustled around with each of their movements.

"Mmnh..." Kyle moaned. "It feels even better- ngh- now..oh, fuck."  
  
A large hand made its way down Kyle's bare thigh, earning a few shaky breaths. Cartman groaned out, "Christ, what are you doing to me? Hah-" he was then cut off by receiving an ever so sweet trail of kisses on the tender spot of his neck. In return, he started massaging Kyle's head and neck as if he were a fragile kitten. Kyle seemed to love it whenever he did this, maybe it had been because no one ever really got to touch or play with his hair. All that neglect must have made it more sensitive. 

_RING RING_  
  
"Eric...check the phone. It might be one of my parents." Kyle mentioned in a daze. Cartman took a hand away to pick up the obnoxious device. Turns out it was Kyle's asshole dad, so he gave to phone to the boy. This isn't going to interfere with what he's doing, though.  
  
"Hello?" Kyle answered with a strained voice.  
  
**"Hey, buddy...listen your mother has been fighting with Ike's subsitute teacher for like, an hour now. Any chance you could talk her out of it? You know you are much more persuasive to her than I am."**  
  
"Uh, I'm kinda busy right now."   
  
**"Yeah, but this will only take a second-"**  
  
"Stop it!" Kyle smacked Cartman's hand away. He looked up at Kyle with a pout, but continued doing his thing.  
  
**"Sorry?"**  
  
Kyle's cheeks turned a light shade of red, "Tha- AH!" He squealed at the feeling of Cartman's hand against his clothed erection. "...wasn't for you. I, uh, dropped something on my foot. Look, can I call you back later?"  
  
**"Err, I don't know, the fight might start getting physical."**  
  
"I really have to go."   
  
Cartman rolled his eyes, already bored of the conversation.  _Let's spice things up._  
  
His mouth ended up over the buldge in Kyle's boxers and he began to hum; sending painfully light vibrations through the area. The action sent Kyle straight over the edge, he almost threw his phone in order to keep his dad from hearing the loud moan that escaped his throat, "Oh, baby!"  
  
The sound of his voice sent a jolt straight to Cartman's pants, he'd be lying if he said that hearing Kyle call him "baby" wasn't a huge turn on. He  _had_ to hear it again.  
  
"I'll call you back." Then, Kyle hung up.  
  
"Holy shit..call me that again."   
  
Kyle glared at Cartman with a judgemental scowl, "Are you crazy!? My fucking dad just heard me scream into the phone like a girl!- mmmnh- stop! I'm still pissed at you!"   
  
"Psh, what's he gonna do? Tell your mom you got laid?" Cartman teased. "Yes! We already look suspicious enough, what will happen when everyone finds out?"   
  
At this point, Cartman stopped listening. Instead of shedding the rest of their clothes, he grabbed both of Kyle's wrists and pinned them down. Soon, he was roughly grinding against him and sucking on his neck, most likely leaving dark purple bruises. Kyle slowly but surely started loosening up, shakily moaning and groaning with time. "Kyle...call me that again." Cartman not so much asked but demanded. He went harder, hearing louder sounds of ecstasy from Kyle.  
  
"Ba..baby- baby! Fuck! I'm gonna....ah!"  
  
"Yeah, just like that, dollface." He whispered into Kyle's neck, feeling him shiver from the sensation. "My little doll..." Cartman lifted his left hand to stroke Kyle's cheek lovingly. He personally wasn't a huge fan of pet names, however calling Kyle "dollface" had always been a weird fantasy of his. Of course, he wouldn't use this for anyone else. No one really fit the name as well as he did.   
  
Those familiar soft hands tangled themselves within Cartman's thick hair. "Eric...?"   
  
"Hmm?" He replied softly while wrapping his arms around the boy, getting as close to him as possible. "Haaah. I lo-" his sentence was quickly cut off by a groan that rolled off his tongue.  
  
_What was he about to say?_ "Mmph, yeah?"   
  
"...love you."  
  
_______________

"Kenny, I really don't see why you're so stuck on this. Even if they are fucking, who cares?" Stan tried to reason with the blonde, who honestly had enough of his shit.

"Stan. I made a bet with Clyde and Token, this bet involves them. If they really _are_ fucking, then boom. 200 bucks right there. Now help me get some proof, cum bucket."

Stan sighed, all together ignoring his new nickname Kenny gave him, "Whatever. I just don't want to walk in on them while they're...doing whatever you say they're doing." His face slightly contorted at the thought, while Kenny just laughed. "Why? You're too much of a pussy to look at your best friend getting pounded doggy-style?"

"Kenny! I don't want to think about that!"

"Relax. I'll walk in first, and you come behind me with the phone while it's recording. I'll tell you if he's reverse cowgirling Cartman or not beforehand."

Kenny felt a rough punch in the arm from the dark haired teen beside him, "Stop! I won't fucking help you if you keep pulling this shit!"

"Yeah, yeah. No more sex talk, that's for you and your dad to talk about, I get it." Kenny sent him a sly wink, which added greatly to his agitation.

Finally, they arrived at Cartman's house. Neither of them bothered to knock on the front door because Liane wasn't there to answer it. 

 

Time to find out the truth. For Stan, that is.

**Author's Note:**

> criticism is appreciated, maybe when im high i'll turn into a better writer. or not.


End file.
